My dearest,

I'm writing this letter to the public expressing how I feel about you because I'm not sure if I give a damn anymore.  I know that I usually get my most emotional when it's late at night like it is now, but considering that this has been going on and on and on since last Summer, day in and day out I torture myself wishing to get to know you, yet I don't want to wreck anything we have right now.  Honestly, what we are doing and how we met is what I consider to be all I really have socially so I want to keep this hidden.

Aw fuck... I really don't feel right talking about this.  Honestly- I just want these feelings to go away.  It's not that I'm emo or nothing, it's just that I don't want to have any drama that might come with taking such a risk.  Is that so hard to ask?

Regards,
Bully

This time last year, I was contemplating transferring.  The offer is still on the table, but I'm going to not go over grades.  I just know I have the ability to do it- this year was the worst of times, then the best of times.  Life is beautiful.  If you are reading this, remember that.  Doesn't matter your age or my credibility- just keep trucking until it's your destined time.



My friend showed me this picture recently.  I love these hipster images for some reason. (you know- ones that are brightly colored and have pictures, think 500 Days of Summer imagery and lyrics from Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol)  Like this one:



I just returned to FBF today, and although I don't have the harsh feelings I had for it this time last year, I still can tell that there is no soul here. lol However, maybe it was because of the burnout of this week, but I felt something driving by the gas station that Kurt and I used to loiter at and talk about school, gossip, movies, music and our futures.  But regarding the first picture, I knew during those moments that I would cherish the memories years down the road.  Sure as shit- guess what I'm writing...

Just a quickie for you all, and oh- yeah- happy 4/20. ;) I don't smoke weed, but what the hell?

Cheers,
Bully

Brava, Vancouver.  Brava.

By the by, I'm just avoiding my computer.  And by computer, I mean roommate.  He's not a psycho, but Jesus Christ he's clingy.

Peace out,
Bully

 I was going to say something productive and inspiring, but then I took a dump...

My mind is down the toilet and into the gutter.  Ba dum tsss.

So far I've been doing classes and stuff, since the last time I posted about my life.  I'm getting into politics a little more and stuff like that.  I also hit up pride and had a great time.  I love Minneapolis.  Alas I have to leave if I need to apply for a job because they're scarce and frankly- Hennepin County is full of either very old or very young people.  There's no chance for me here, which is fine because Mankato does give me a chance.

But speaking of pride, since March, I've began to struggle with my sexuality over and over again because I was starting to think believe that I was straight up gold card gay.  Sounds like I have to pay a membership.  However, I talked it with my friend, who also identifies as bisexual and she gave me probably one of the most straight-forward, honest opinions out there.  I told her everything about my past and whatnot, and truth be told- I'm not gay after all.  No shocker there.  However, I don't have the time or patience to write about why I was confused.  Therefore, I'm pretty sure that I'm more confident in myself as a person now.  Or at least a step farther.

Otherwise drunk me will post in 3 months saying I'm not.  Because he's weird.

So with that, it's a step in the right direction, however nothing's on the horizon.  I couldn't even tell you what sex said significant other would be.  I met a few potentials, but those fell through.  There's a girl who I charmed, but to date our relationship's not going to a higher level than I'd like.  Then we ground on the dance floor like pepper and felt guilty... =/ I'm thinking that I can't do that anymore and that it's time to go to the drawing board.

So just a ramble in my love life.  No hook-ups, be pretty, be intelligent, and let's connect.  That's fair.  I think...

Now I just gotta brush the clothes off of my bed and go to bed.

Peace,
Bully

  

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43387484

Look- I like lower taxes as much as the next person (although I also like free things provided by the state and county) I have no idea what happened to Minnesota.  Between these two candidates for president and the Anoka-Hennepin School District bullying issue, this is not the liberal paradise that this state used to be, or look like.  (I would, however, like to note that outside of the Hennepin County portion, the school district happens to be represented by Bachmann in congress; the Hennepin suburbanites elected Erik Paulsen)  Tim Pawlenty is not a favorite among many Minnesotans because under his control, the government has shut down (along with funding to various services such as rest stops, state parks, and schools), plus during his last months of governor, he seriously just stopped caring and abandoned his office months before he was replaced by current governor Mark Dayton.

That meme says enough about Bachmann.  It's not necessarily for her political beliefs.  It's more how annoying she is and how often she's caught with her pants on fire.  However, considering that I've been to every town she's lived in- Anoka and Stillwater, I'm frankly not surprised at how big of a nutcase she turned out, since your town crafts you, regardless of whether or not you like it.  Honestly, if this is our first female president, this will be a historical election.  As in one step forward, two steps back for womankind.  Out of these two- I'd rather take T-Paw because he at least has a clue about what he wants.  Bachmann is basically all hype, and a complete joke.  As a plus for T-Paw- I don't like discussing my family history, but I have close family that went to South St. Paul High School.  Only thing I get is bragging rights in that the first Minnesota President also graduated with one of my relatives.

Peace,
Bully

Not really.  I arrived home and nothing really happened.  Today- I almost got Lyme's and had a heart attack because my dad wandered out in the woods without telling my mom nor I, when my mom absolutely needs him for her to function because of her condition, and my dad is heard of hearing and may not have reception in the woods.  Therefore scaring the living bejesus out of us.  Did that make sense?  Probably not, because I haven't told you that I also own a plot of land up north.  Or did I?  I don't remember.

Anyway- tonight I was called up by Kurt to sober cab for a friend or something like that and I followed suit.  I was given gas money upon arrival, and I had to catch him because he was incredibly incredibly drunk when I arrived there.  Since we're under 21 in the state of Minnesota, we couldn't go to any bars.  Where did we go?  A house party.  There were a ton of people from FBFHS there that I haven't seen in forever.  Or seen ever.  So we decide to go back in, which was a stupid choice, since less than 2-3 minutes upon arrival, Officer Dick came in the front door.  I did nothing, but the party got busted and the house was under lockdown.  Kurt was stone cold plastered, and we were rounded up like sheep (standard procedure- no biggie) and sent to two parts of the house- those under 18 and those over.  Those who said that they didn't came out first to be tested.  I was in the bathroom but I could hear Officer Dick mocking the first minor by saying "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE! Those who lie to me will be ticketed. blah blah blah" and I just started to laugh.  I have friends who are law enforcement majors.  They break and bend the laws before they enforce it, so they know every trick in the book.  By the time I came out there, the officer was nice to me.  Probably because his waist size was my height in inches and his height was half of mine, but either way- I was waiting there for about an hour for them to come out.  I watched as various minors were processed and called for their parents to come.  When Kurt came out, he couldn't stand up, so we waited for our friends to walk (or stumble) out of the house.  He was then taken to a police officer that reminded me of my favorite high school teacher.  Like his personality was ridiculously bubbly and a complete foil to Officer Dick.  Like I wanted to... idk- if I got pulled over by him that would seriously make my day, and would be the best $220 I'd ever spend.  That awesome.  The dude was funny because I got a phone call from Kurt's other best friend, who was also at the party, which startled me for a second.  Officer Buddha (yes- he reminds me of the statue) shot me with a quick "did it shock you?" and I was like simply "lol".  Now, if I had a brighter mind, I would have said "yeah- vibrate wasn't cutting it for me".  It's more of a you-had-to-be-there moment.

Kurt also needed water, since I actually saw him blow a really high number.  We're talking over .15 here.  He asked for it and Officer Buddha and another officer (lady officer, who I must say was really nice, looked like she just came out of college and was incredibly attractive) said they'd get it to him, but they never provided.  So we walked over to Officer Dick, and he shot back with a "you're interrupting me.  Stop." when he was dealing with an underage minor.  Is that the right term for a 17-year-old drunk girl?  Aw well.  You get the idea.  Still- when he was done, he wasn't like "officer ---- get this man a water.", rather he turns to me and he said "why don't you take him home if you don't have to wait for anybody."  Then I turned around and walked away to bring him to some mutual friends.   "That way, he can puke in your car."  Right then and there, I shot Officer Dick (honestly, I wouldn't mind ending that sentence right now, but we know that murder is illegal, and I don't want to own a gun ever, ergo it can't be true.  But I can still coldly hope that he dies of a heart attack.  Now resume.) a dirty look that basically screamed excuse you? aw heil naw.  You didn't just say that. while he returned a blank stare back.  Kurt, in his drunken state said "You shouldn't do that to cops." And he was right.  Officer Dick is the type of cop that if you flip him off, he will arrest you.  I know.  It happened to someone else.  Mucho kudos to the guy who flipped him off.  However, given our size difference, I probably wouldn't spend the night in jail at all.  And if so- that would seriously be an epic win because it would be funny.  Later.  Not at the moment I got arrested, and definitely not to my parents.  But speaking of arrested- the mother of the hostess was the one who provided the alcohol to the party, knowing there would be drinking.  I kind of feel bad for her, but at the same time she knew what could have happened if she had gotten into trouble.  Translation- she may receive a fine of $3000 or <1 year in prison.  The only reason why the police arrived was because there was a fight in the basement of the house or something like that, but I missed it.

In the end, the people I was originally going to sober cab found rides because I was waiting for someone who bailed, so I only took Kurt home, but not before driving to a rendezvous point to pick up a now mutual friend and buying Kurt something to drink because the officers didn't give him the water that he needed.  Officer Buddha even said that he needed it.  Also that he needed a babysitter, but I'm staying up in part to make sure he doesn't call and the other part was to write in my journal.  So that's the end of my Saturday Night.

Friday night is different.  The reason for the shirtless picture of Chris Hemsworth as Thor is because I went with my friend, Anne to see the movie.  Last night I was out somewhere in Money Money (yes I'm calling this town that because I'm lame like that) with her to go see it.  Can I confess something?  Promise you won't laugh?  I'm not going to lie, but the character is definitely my ideal man.  I somehow managed to fall in love with the character.  If you treat his self (for lack of a better term) like a car, then he has the soldier package (brave, strong, able to drink me under the table, eats a lot), the greek ideal package (look at the picture.  Even his blonde-ness.  It's worth a thousand more words than I can write, and really about 900 more than necessary), the royalty package (prestige, best goddamned British accent ever) and also I wouldn't have minded taking that for a test drive. ;D Yes- even talking about it in retrospect makes me too gay to function.  You should have seen me last night in the theatre.   "DAMN GIRL SHUT UP!!!"  The movie itself was decent, but the ending pissed me off.  However, Anne and I went to perkins later to go gaga over the movie.  And speaking of...

Yes I downloaded Born This Way, and I have no idea what the hell to make of it still.  After a week of listening.  I guess just buy it or download it or stream it on youtube to see if you like it or can stand it or something like that.  Maybe flip a coin.  I don't know.

OMG THOR

Just kidding, BUT I also bought a pair of converse and went dancing at the Gay 90s in Minneapolis last Sunday.  That was interesting, since I made up with my second roommate (whom I had to move out with for long and complicated reasons.  I'm too lazy to bring up the old post if I wrote about it) on the dance floor in a back room of the club.  I also met a guy who is a college student from Duluth.  He was apparently staring at me the entire time, but right as he was making the moves on me, I got his number down, and looked at my call list.  I had to go.  My lesbian friends that I arrived with were standing out in the rain while I was talking to him in the club.  =/ Shit.  I had fun though.  As for this week, I signed up for classes again (because I was autodropped from the system because I failed to make payment) and I applied to UPS for my final job search.  Otherwise, I'm giving up looking for summer work.  Luckily, UPS always automatically schedules for an interview at the end of each application.  I think I'm good with people.  Right?  Right?

Aw well.  Let's just see what will happen.

Peace out, everybody.
Bullwinkle

So it's been a month.  I thought I'd give you a nice picture of summertime Minneapolis, just as a "sorry for not updating.  Oopsie."  Anyway- life sped then slowed, and now I feel like I have a month's worth of free time.  The title of forever summer came from a song I wrote last summer during Meteorology class, which in turn came out of one of my favorite games ever, Bully.  Win?  Yes?  No?

Aw well.  So that formal event.  Yes- well it was alright.  I had to sober cab someone else's car, and getting there was... erm... something.  I had to sober cab 5 girls in a crappy two-colored '86 Oldsmobile sedan or something.  Broke college kids from BFNW, Minnesota, ftw?  Yeah- I guess so.  Anyway- so this girl was plastered and I had to drive her car all the way to the country club 20 miles from the university.  There are two turn-offs to get there.  One is off the big highway and the other is off a smaller two-lane highway.  I missed the second turn-off and wound up in a small town outside of the county seat, where the first turn-off was.  All the while, the drunk owner of the car was bitching me out for my driving, and for getting us lost, and for causing us to derail the party or something like that.  I can be pretty chill sometimes, but this time I was screaming at her hardcore to stfu.  Anyway- I got there, and the three girls that were in the backseat were so hammered that they had to arrive as soon as we got there.  One of them, however, though the grace of karma (at least I thought so at the time) was feeling so bad that she prayed to the porcelain god right then and there in her car.  A small part of me was kinda happy about that.

The food was excellent- we had cheesy chicken with california blend and potatoes.  The DJs kinda sucked, and it was vegas-themed.  There weren't many people there overall, so the dance floor for the most part was quite empty.  Didn't ruin the quality of the dance though.  There was also blackjack upstairs, which was fun to do.  I didn't win anything.  I think I just went all in when I got bored, but my memory escapes me after a month.  I also had plenty of virgin drinks- sex on the beach, and I even tried a virgin bulldog.  Shut up and get your mind out of the gutter- I'm talking pepsi, root beer, and half and half.  Terrible for you, but it's so good.  The bartender that made it was- I'll complete- the epitome of a milf.  She looks exactly like the triplets, who are in the class of 2011 at FBFHS, and they are quite attractive girls.  Anyway- the bartender looks like them, and on top of that, she's 33 and has 6 young kids at home.  Like I said- she's the definition of milf, when she looks like cute high school girls and has more than three kids.

Sadly, that dude I talked about in the last post- I kept thinking about him all night, which partially got me down.  Doesn't help that pretty much everybody else in my fraternity has a significant other and I watched the one cute girl who didn't leave and who didn't treat me like shit basically hook up with a guy from South Africa.  Seriously- I told her straight up on the ride back that I knew she would get asked out the moment she asked him about the country.  Anyway- so Allen.  I'm gonna call him that for the sake of protecting his name.  Over the course of the month, we've been still talking, even though we took a one week break.  Then I found out that he was friends with Ia, the girl who would fuck a cactus if it had a penis on it, and I was like "wait- you know her?" "nope." and I was thinking "yeah- she only friended you because you're fine as hell." And we were still kinda talking.   Idk anymore.  I should probably sail this stupid ship anyway.  Move on to girls or something.  Or like I said- move.  I'm bored of Minnesota in general, so I'm trying to find an excuse to leave.  Anything.  I mean- Mark Twain said

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."

So new perspectives on life = good thing?  My rents never did anything.  And like I said before- my mom is pretty much lying sick with plenty of regrets about what she should have done.  I don't know.  I'm also considering transferring to the University of Minnesota.  I'm serious.  This is probably stupid, but I do love the urban life- I was actually at the U for awhile and my first fifteen minutes of it, I was impressed.  Although that was after like 15 minutes, and I was there for a few hours the night I left for the summer because my fraternity was invited to attend the start up of the U of M chapter.  I'm not saying which fraternity, but it was pretty cool that I was initiated into the frat 2 weeks before the ceremony.  No- there was no hazing, but I'm not sharing shit about what happened there.  I'll admit though, since I'm part of an honors fraternity, that means there are girls.  And a lot of them were really cute. :)

However, if I transfer, I have to look at it from this perspective:

Pros:
-one of the, if not THE gay-friendliest university in the country.  Also in the ranks: University of Oregon.  Just saying.  I love my mighty ducks. :)
-more majors to choose from
-very good programs all around virtually no matter what
-chance of getting a decent job with the university.  Then again- I can do this at mine, so it's like "so what?"
-urban setting, which I figure is definitely where I belong
     -I love Minneapolis
-I can help out my parents anytime without actually living there, meaning that I don't fight with my dad as often as I'm doing now that I live here.
-fraternity has chapter here

Cons:
-With 30,000-40,000 students, the school may be too big for my tastes
-The snootiest, most plastic people from FBFHS go here, if not St. Thomas in St. Paul, so I worry about my social life here, since similar students from the metro area would probably go there too.
-I may fall through the cracks with more to do, bad study habits, etc.
-It's definitely more expensive than my current university-No free laundry/gym unless I rent a house, but I am paying for a gym membership upkeep fee (for lack of a better term) anyway. :(
-I abandon my old fraternity and help increase the chance of it closing due to disinterest
-Campus is a clusterfuck; worst designed campus for its size.  Seriously- I looked at UT Austin and Florida to compare.  Their campuses are better; the U of M just looked like they shat theirs in the middle of the Twin Cities

So what do you guys think?  I mean I like my current school, but I just can't see myself graduating from there.  Ya know what I'm saying?  Even though I think the benefits and disadvantages of going to the U are about even, it's still a good school, just like my current school is.  Drop me a comment.

Peace,
Bully

 So today this post is all about this wonderful state.  I don't mean wonderful in a positive term, but I mean it in its literal sense, which means full of wonder, aka "what the fuck-age"?  I've been in college here for the past few months and I'm just finishing up my first year here at university.  And I just want it to be over, honestly.  I miss partying with Kurt on my breaks, even though it got old sometimes.

But let's reflect.  What have I done this year?

-highest GPA I believe I've ever had
-worked on a play that went to DC to compete.  That's like winning the rose bowl for ye sports fans out there.
-Had a biphobic roommate
-Had a roommate who is either psychotic or a complete dumb-ass-hole (fused words, ftw)
-Had an awesome roommate that never left his video games
-Gained a best friend, nearly lost her, but reevaluated my relationship and knocked it down a peg
-Saw Lady Gaga in St. Paul, Atmosphere and Cloud Cult down here
-Got drunk for the first time ever
-Got my first two hits of weed
-Saw my first burlesque show
-Took a hike throughout the college town
-Two hotel parties
-Had a drunken "romantic" experience with another man.  Didn't exactly fuck him like I implied in the last post.  I talked to some of my friends about the experience
-Drank underage at a bar
-Rallied at the capitol in St. Paul

I'm serious.  I got political today.  Click the link, but don't read the comments.  Jesus.  Anyway- I was there as Governor Dayton gave a speech (naturally with cold MN spring jokes) with DFL representatives at his side, I remember the soldier's father giving his tear-jerking speech.  His son had better not die in vein in 2012, when MN introduces its own prop 8.  And, if this "prop 8" passes, then he said he will vow to take it to the Minnesota Supreme Court in St. Paul to overturn it on behalf of his son and on behalf of all LGBT Minnesotans.  As a side note- with all respect to his son, I saw his picture on the news that night at my parents' house.  He was a really good-looking guy.  There were other members of the MN house and senate that spoke, but some of the other speeches were touching.  There was a MtF transsexual who spoke on behalf of the transgendered people, who was probably the most anarchist-like.  At one point, she called to bring the "old, white, straight men to their knees".  Aw well.  About damned time.  After that, there was a lesbian Hmong couple who spoke.  Their speech was also tear-jerk-worthy because one of the women was born in the United States, and the other from Asia.  At any time, the United States government could come in and deport her to Laos, a country she's never even been to, thus separating their love.  That brings a whole new perspective on gay marriage as far as I'm concerned.  Getting hitched to someone you love beats marrying for someone to stay in the country and having to go through the mess of marriage, divorce, explaining to everybody, and other things that I probably don't understand at my young age.

And I'm back.  Now back to writing my second post.

My spring break had been really busy outside of family affairs.  I basically partied with Kurt the entire time, and he's doing great.  Kind of a little more bitter and bitterly sarcastic, but I can understand where he's coming from, since he was hurt because Alicia turned out to be a cheating bitch the entire time they were dating off and on.  So he's exactly where I was a year ago between Mai and I.

First party was a hotel party.  I told my mom that I was going to my friend's house, but instead I was at a Hilton in FBF celebrating other friend, Chelsea's birthday. ( I'm not talking about the one from Garage Band class, since she's currently carrying her boyfriend's baby)  Kurt, a buddy of his from college, and I all pitched in to provide the booze and chasers for the party.  Kurt drove, I provided the money and the buddy got the alcohol from the liquor store.  Nobody wants to hear about the boring details, but I'll tell you that my night was a Tucker Max novel (and yes that is a real book):

1) We almost got kicked out twice- once at midnight and another time at 5 AM, due to noise complaints.  The second one should have been prevented because we were playing music.
2) I got drunk, but I wasn't the most drunk person there.  The birthday girl's best gal pal (yes I just said that- don't judge me) took 20 minutes to go from sober to black out drunk.  You know what she did?  Oh god, I can't think of anything more extreme than wild, but holy shit, was she wild.  To begin with, she took off all of her clothes in the room, then she went outside and peed in the hallway of the Hilton.  Her picture that night was under the dictionary definition of Shitshow... okay not really.  However, to make matters worse, there was a peewee hockey team staying in the hotel for a tournament on our floor.  Whoops!
3) I stopped drinking, and to be honest, I did want my keys back at 3 am, but I texted ahead saying I wasn't coming home because nobody would give me my keys.  So I went into one of the hotel rooms and slept in the chair that was next to the bed.  Only to hear the birthday girl screaming at 4 am claiming how she's a fuck-up.  Then we dropped off Kurt's buddy in his home in Minneapolis in my car.

Erm... enough getting drunk for awhile.  Later that week, I went to another party and stayed sober.  Smoked a lot of hookah, and found out that my friend's brother-in-law is the hottest piece of ass I've ever seen in the entire state of Minnesota.  But other than that there was nothing memorable about that party.

Wednesday, the night before my grandpa's funeral, I went bowling with Kurt.  Okay- I need to name Kurt's friend at this point.  Let's call him Sam.  Go old school and not use initials.  So Sam and Kurt go to Don Pablo's after class.  I was with them that day, so I sat and studied Economics (got a B on the exam :D ) before they got out of class.  Then I stuffed myself with fajitas and a combo before we went bowling.  I sucked and got bored after awhile, so I had Kurt bowl with me.  The mofo totally shredded his arm and chest going bowling.  Like a weight-lifter, though- he wasn't injured.  But haha- yeah- I bet he felt that in the morning.  Sam's buddies showed up little by little- at first we just met up with one guy, but he left before we did.  Then a couple that looked like they were old enough to be professionals showed up, and ordered a basket of fries.  The guy plays in a number of bands, meanwhile his girlfriend works two jobs- as a business owner and as an interior designer.  I can't remember her name, so I can't even assign her a fake name, but it's a damn shame since as I'm writing that, I'm looking at becoming an architect.  Also they were hella nice and fun-loving.  I mean- I was shocked to find out that they were both 30, since she looks like she's 25.

I also had lunch with Claire and her sis again before looking for her parents' wedding stuff.  She's planning to throw an anniversary party for her folks, which is sweet.  Because she doesn't get along with her folks, so finding old films of her dad's childhood in the process was like winning the lottery.  We gave up trying to find the wedding registry (but we found the decorations, as well as a picture of her cousin's dad.  Fact- he's bald now.  Nothing wrong with balding guys but hey- I can make fun of that like how I can make fun of the fact that I liked her cousin.  Aw well.  We're better off as friends.) Then we went to lunch at Olive Garden.  Soup, salad, breadsticks lunch, ftw.  I love that shit. :D  After, I went with Kurt to buy a book of dirty Spanish and green design at Borders, which is closing its doors.  The dirty Spanish book is still sitting in my car, but I think the design books are at home.

When I got back to campus, everything got better.  I had drama before I left, but that settled itself over.  Doesn't it always?  For St. Patty's Day, I pregamed in my friend's dorm and then went bar hopping with friends downtown.  Buffalo Wild Wings and a pub downtown.  Yeah- a pub.  I also got exercise by walking a mile down and uphill.  If you've ever been here, you'd know that the town was built in a valley, but the campus is on a hill.  These hills get steep, so they make amazing exercise.  So I had a great time doing that on St. Patty's day.

Remember how I got the prophecy less than 18 months ago?  It's still valid, because...

Next day, I was bored and didn't want to study, so I went to the unofficial gay bar in town, sang a little kareoke.  I was supposed to leave by 9, but I stayed and nobody cared.  I met a few guys there.  Like Jen.  Christ- Jen's a creeper.  Yes- it's a fake name, but Jen is a 6'5" tall, overweight, 35-year-old gay man with a smile somewhere between Paul Lynde and John Wayne Gacy.  I'm talking Kinsey-scale-9 gay, and when he talks, Judy Garland, Lady Gaga and Madonna all fall out of his mouth.  I couldn't get autographs, unfortunately, but that takes talent.  He made no hint that he just wants me to fuck his brains out.  When he introduced himself, he was probably three inches from my face, and later on, when I talked to another guy named JJ, he grabbed my ass and smiled at me.  Yet I'm stupid enough to give him my number.  So I lead him on.  Fuck my life.

However, JJ and I got to talking and we hit it off.  At least after drinking a mojito, a sex on the beach, and a pinot noir, I thought we did.  LOOK AT HOW GAY I AM!!!! Not really.  So this is a 180 from Jen- a 6' tall guy, really good-looking, broad shoulders, baseball build, flies under the gaydar, and we were talking and right before he goes to do Kareoke, I jokingly asked him if he was a top or bottom.  He gives me a serious answer and a lightbulb went off in my head.  My friend, MK and I were talking and she was like "oh my god he's so cute" and then we went up to sing, but we sat back down.  Turns out that JJ and some other guy were right by us, and they looked alike- both had the same shirts on and hair cuts/styles.  We both left the bar separately, but I returned to go back to the bar, where he was waiting in his Audi A6.  I'm dead serious- he drives a hell of a nice car.  When I got in the car, he drove me back to his place.  On the way there, he said "hey- should we race these guys?" and I was like "wouldn't we get pulled over by the cops?"
"I wouldn't worry about that."
"Why's that?" I asked him before he whipped out his police badge.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, but you're safe with me, kid."

Do I even have to say what happened next?  It's obvious if you ask me.  Since this is behind closed doors, all I can say is that I barely lost my V-card, but I did lose it.  And Jen kept texting me.  That was really annoying.

So I need to slow it down.  Otherwise I'm going to get bored with life.  But that was my past two weeks.

Later days,
Bully

 The funeral was held in the Eastern part of the twin cities and the burial occurred somewhere between there and Rochester.  I was selected to be one of the four paul bearer (I believe that's how it's spelled) for the casket as well as my cousin and uncles.  It was a sunny day in the Cities, and it was incredibly warm.  My mom usually doesn't leave the house, but all four of us drove out there.  I took my car because my sis had an exam that day and my mom can't leave the house for long extended periods of time due to her illness.

We arrived about fifteen minutes before the actual funeral began, and talked to relatives, family friends, etc.  Basically people I didn't know overall.  I probably met them a long time ago, because they definitely knew me.  As usual, funerals are really intense.  I rolled my mom up to where my grandpa lied- arms crossed, rosary around his hands.  I could barely look, to be honest and I was extremely uncomfortable.  There were plenty of beautiful arrangements of flowers around where he was as well as a photo album with old photographs.  (We took two of the bouquets home, and since they're on the counter, our damn cat keeps on jumping up on the table to get a better look at them.)  At the end, the priest that lead the sermon said something along the lines of "let your burdens go, and forgive him for any wrong doing", and I couldn't help but feel this weird release.  I'm not sure where that came from, but I know that I had some drama the prior week or two ago that was on my mind and eating away at me.  I just felt strong to continue on again.  After that, a record somewhere played "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" by Bing Crosby in the background and I got up to help move the coffin into the hearse.

Side note- is it fucked up that I'm listening to the song right now?  I mean- it is a beautiful song.

On the way down, I got to talk to my uncle about the stock market, about what engineering is about and memories of grandpa.  It sounds pretty good, since I don't get computer stuff, and construction management isn't for me, so I'm hoping to hell this will work out.  I don't have a plan B and I can't think of anything else I can do, but that doesn't mean there is no hope if engineering/architecture doesn't work out.

It was overcast at the cemetery site, which was across the road from a Catholic church that was a beautiful building in the middle of nowhere.  Familiar relatives and distant relatives showed up including two of the workers for the church, who happened to be distantly related and working that day, and the Maltese Consulate, who recited a poem at the burial. (Side note- I know that I sound like I'm making this part up, but I'm really not.)  The skies eventually cleared up, and a lot of the crowd stood around and talked.  My grandmother's still alive, but she has dimensia, so it helped her through the experience, which is good and bad on some accounts.  They were married for 60 years as of last June, so mourning would be pure hell for her to go through.  On the other hand, when my aunt and grandma were about to depart, there was nothing more depressing than being asked by her where her husband was.  My cousin and I awkwardly explained that he passed away.  There really is no good way to do that.  None.  I just hope that she's doing alright.  They were both moved to a nursing home in the same town the funeral took place in, and she still resides there right now.

After I was dropped off where my car was, I called my cousin's best friend to see if she was up to grab a cup of coffee.  This was on a Thursday before her spring break, and she was still in Wisconsin for college.  So we just talked on the phone for a few seconds.  When I got home, I went grocery shopping with my dad, whom I jokingly said "You sure I can't change first?  I look like I'm dressed for a funeral."  The rest of the day went on as normal.